CSR Mama,Shantha Mami &Their art of living
C S R had passed away.Even as my husband and I stood there looking at his body and paying him our last respects ,my mind went on a flashback.
It was in the year 1980 ,my third sister in law’s ie my husband’s younger sister’s, wedding was taking place.It was the night before the marriage.My husband blessed with five younger sisters to be married off, was supervising the last minute arrangements for the Muhurtham that would take place the next day,and checking up to see if everything was ok,when CSR entered our room in the Kalyanamandapam.CSR was our sambhandhi.
His son was the bridegroom.He looked furious and thundered, looking at my husband,”Kannan,you have not kept Samajodi veshtis in our room for the bridegroom.Where is the samajodi veshti?”he roared.For a minute my husband did not know what to answer,having realized that we had forgotten to buy the samajodi veshtis.(samajodi veshti refers to the identical pair of dhotis that would be dipped in yellow water the previous evening by the pandits.That dhoti would be worn by the bridegroom during muhurtham,when he would be tying the mangal sutra on the bride’s neck).
But being a calm and composed person,my husband kept a straight face and told him ”Uncle,don’t worry.Tomorrow morning the samajodi veshti would be ready for the bridegroom to wear”.It was 12 o’clock in the night.All the shops had closed.A close relative came to our help.His friend was the owner of a textile shop.He hook my husband to his friend’s house,knocked on his door,explained the difficult position that we were in and how we wanted the dhotis immediately.The friend obliged,went to the shop,opened it and my husband paid for the dhotis not only with money but with a heart full of gratitude.
The next morning Muhurtham was taking place,but I was consumed with anxiety.”This CSR seems to be a tough man,he may trouble us in future also for even small matters.How would my husband deal with him ?”was the question turning around in my mind.I need not have worried.The muhurtham ie the boy tying the thali on the girl’s neck,the most precious moment in a marriage, was over.CSR who was in the dais as my husband,went up to my husband, hugged him and said,”Kannan,from now onwards we have become one big family.You can count on me as your elder brother,I am there for you” ,he said.
Coimabtore Srinivasan Raman , affectionately referred to as CSR by his relatives and close friends, kept up his words with my husband.He became my husband’s friend,philosopher and guide.When my husband went through the nooks and corners of the entire TamilNadu,searching for good bridegrooms for his other sisters CSR was with him.When the marriages were celeberated CSRwas with us.He became the elder in our family.No function took place in our family without his presence.
CSR was tall,dark and was always with a cheerful countenance.The beautiful smile that appeared on his lips would invariably travel to his eyes and illuminate his entire personality. He was a very positive person.Negativity in any matter was unknown to him.If anybody had any problem,he would go to that person,he would not bother whether that person was a friend ,a relative or a mere acquaintance,and would offer solace.”Don’t worry,everything will be ok.These things happen,but your troubles will vanish,I am telling you,don’t worry”,would be his words.
This kindness shown by CSR,his comforting words and his presence by the side of the troubled person alone got him innumerable number of friends and well wishers.When he came to know of any parents, looking for a suitable alliance for their son or daughter,CSR would make all efforts,without their bidding to search for suitable alliance for their wards.
He was not affected by criticisms,if anybody passed any unkind remarks about him he would just laugh them away and his relationship with the person who criticized him was not affected at all.He always remained their well wisher, ever ready to come to their help at any time.
He needed just a phone call,not even a formal invitation for a marriage,thread ceremony,ear piercing ceremony etc.He would attend the function without fail,not because he loved rich food that would be served there,.He made sure that he gave his blessings on that occasion.
There are people who are family oriented,there are people who are career oriented CSR was a man who was people oriented.He loved humanity.
Shantha mami,his wife who had passed away a couple of years earlier to CSR’s death was also a unique person.Simplicity,hospitality and kindness were the hall marks of Shantha mami’s personality.You could never enter her house and come away without eating a snack or a meal.Her hospitality submerged you.I remember an occasion when my husband and I visited them.It was summer.We had come to Chennai on our annual holiday.As was our custom we dropped into CSR’s house.Unfortunately,we could not even ring up and tell them that we would be coming to their house, since their phone was not working and those days mobiles had not made their presence felt.
But Shantha mami was visibly delighted to see us.She enquired about everybody in our family and when we got up to take leave, since we were getting late for our flight,Shantha mami would not hear of it.
“How can you go,without eating anything?’,she shouted at us.Inspite of our protests she made an excellent snack, served us with coffee and we left carrying happy memories and the feeling of being loved by your relatives.In the process,we almost missed our flight.
Shantha mami was a not a highly educated person,she could neither speak English nor understand a single word of it.She was not a fashion conscious person,She would always wear nine yards sarees.But you will be surprised if I tell you that she had whole lot of admirers, her relatives,her friends, who always flocked to her home.
She never distinguished between the rich and the poor,the educated and the not so educated.Anybody who entered her house to visit them would be received with the same kindness by both the husband and the wife.
Once I told her son who happens to be my sister in law’s husband,”I love your mother.She is a kind soul’.’He replied,’Mami,my mother used to tell us,’people are coming all the way to your house by car/bus/auto and alnot because they care for your coffee and the tiffin that you serve them They are coming to our house to see us.Their kindness has to be paid back with kindness only”.
CSR mama and Shatha mami have passed away..One Sahaptham has come to an end with the passing away of these two wonderful people with whom my husband,I,our children and a whole lot of relatives and friends had the good fortune to interact with and we benefitted from that interaction.
Now ,the question arises in my mind.How will be their next generation ?Will they be as kind,caring and as people oriented as CSR and Shantha mami were?”Yes”,asserts my faith in human nature.CSR mama and Shantha mami were role models for their next generation.They were beacons of light,they will continue to guide them,eventhough they are not physically present.CSR mama was a man who carried positive waves with him all the time and I will be doing great insult to this man’s memory, if I have even an iota of doubt regarding the path that the next generation would take.Their next generation will surely earn the same good will that mama and mami earned in their life together.
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Dear Sudha,
Thank you.
Yes,people like CSR&Shantha mami are a rare find these days.They were genuine people.
Mythili
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Dear Mythili,
A very nice blog about someone you have admired and respected. Nicely written.
I'm sure they are rare in these times.
- Sudha
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Dear Ms.Mythili,
Enjoyed reading this.
I have seen persons who give their love to others without expecting anything back ( No disappoinments for them ) radiate postive energy.This rule applies to to our kids too if they want be positive thinking people and enjoy harmonious relation with their friends and elders.
CSR getting upset on the first encounter proves the often repated Tamil saying " Gopam Irukkum Idathilethan Gunam Irukkum " ( Where there is emotion love would be there ). It is also important we use tender words and not hurt anyone as for as possible.
Ravi.
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I agree with you,Kala.Thanks for the nice comment.
Mythili
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Really good to read about these wonderful humans Mythili.
I have seen this kind of spontaneity in helping others only infew people.
Instead of thinking of their next generation(they will surely be good) we can try to behave like them and be the mama and mami to his children
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Dear Mr.Vijay,
Thank you for the nice comment.
Mythili
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Dear Mythili,
You have paid rich tributes to the memory of those two wonderful people.Today it is hard to see such noble souls.We must imbibe such humanitarian qualities and work selflessly towards the wellbeing of society.But it should start from us.We have to be the change we want to see.
Wishes,
VIJAY.
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Dear Lakshmi,
Thanks for your comment.When we fulfill our responsibilities we do it without expecting anything in return.I am happy to tell you that the respect,love and affection that my husband and I get from our brothers and sisters is something that can't be explained in words.I particularly feel safe and secure in the warmth and affection of my in laws and I am not exaggerating and this is something spontaneous on both the sides.
Mythili
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dear mythili
thanks for asking my openion about this blog.
yes i too liked c.s.r and his wife shanta mami.
those days were different. Game of life was played by living for others and only for others.
people derived pleasure in ful filling other's duty.
i can appriciate your gratitude for this couple as i too have fulfilled lots of duties as my husband had seven sisters and three brothers to be educated and married.
but it won't work for these times.Because no one came to help us to do our duty for our kids.
i am not bitter. But i will accept your appreciation only if these people have done their duties properly to their own. othervise it is a waste of energy.
Because i have seen to many people who live on these principles but fail to fulfill their own duty.
i have no respect for such lot.
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Seetha-raman,
Thank you for the nice comment.
Mythili
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