Is Old Age A Curse?
Is old age a curse?
I am sitting in the hall cutting vegetables for making lunch.My MIL, a grand old lady of 87 walks to the hall slowly from her room.She comes and sits in front of the TV takes the remote in her hand.She keeps changing the channels,she is not happy with any of the programmes shown on the different channels on the TV.I don’t blame her,I too feel the same way,watching the different serials somehow adds to my woe,the women are invariably shown as the cry babies all the time crying or as pucca vamps..I watch my MIL’s facial expressions,it looks as if she would start sobbing any time.She keeps the remote in its place and walks back to her room.This happens atleast five to six times a day,my MIL coming to the hall,switching on and swirching off the TV and walking back to her room.
She feels lonely.This, inspite of the fact that we are taking good care of her,she gets regular medical check ups,my husband makes it a point to spend time with her sits and talks to her,jokes with her,I do my best to take care of her in my own way.But she needs company of her age group people,company of her relatives.Unfortunately that is something we cant do anything about.
In the same complex where we live ,in another block,on the seond floor lives another old lady in a flat all by herself.Her only son is in the US.This is her own flat, very well furnished.Her son has engaged two maids for her.One comes in the morning,does her work,cooks for the old lady and leaves.The other one comes in the afternoon makes evening meal for her stays for sometime and leaves.Her son has made excellent financial arrangements for her.She is financially well off.
When I asked her son,”Why don’t you take her with you”,he said,that he tried it.But both he and his wife are working and his mother had to stay alone in the house.”For my mother to stay alone here is better than staying alone at home in US.”Similarly his mother is averse to keeping a full time maid.
My husband makes it a point to visit her, atleast once in a day and enquires about her health,makes small talks with her. .In the beginning the old lady was wary about my husband visiting her every day,but now she looks forward to his visits.Her relatives visit her rarely,mostly on festival days.
When I went to Mumbai to visit my daughter,my daughter introduced me to one of her neighbours.Ahusband,wife,MIL and their two children.Very nice friendly people.I particularly liked the old lady,80+ who looked so beautiful at that age.Her silver hair,flawless complexion,lovely smile and blue eyes.I told my daughter she must have been a ravishing beauty in her younger days.
Her son and daughter in law were working,they had a full time maid who also cooked for them.Their flat was right below my daughter’s.Very often I heard the sound of people shouting at each other,sobs and bitter fights.Then my daughter told me.The DIL did her best to take care of the MIL but MIL was not happy wth the food made by the maid.She wanted the DIL to cook for her.She often found fault with the food made by the maid and shouted at her,with the result,no maid stayed with them for more than a month or so.She was also very forgetful.DIL would have given her all her medicines to take,but she would complain to her son ,”your wife did not give me my medicine.She wants me to die”.Tell me will there be peace at such a place?The old woman was not a bad person,but her dependence on her son and Dil was playing on her mind.
One day in the evening I and my husband went to the terrace to get some fresh air.We saw the old lady’s son sitting there with a sad face.We were hesitating to ask him anything,when he came to us and told my husband, “Uncle,I have a problem.I need your advice.”He told us about his mother ,her stubbornness and her memory that was failing her and the constant friction at home.
My husband listened to him patiently and then said to him that he had to be patient with his mother.Even if he wanted to make a point with her he should tell her that in a friendly manner.We talked with him for sometime.He went down visibly feeling better.
Medical science has progressed beyond anyone’s expectations.Awareness among people about maintaining good health and eating the right food has become an in thing.So life span of a person has increased.Elderly people nearing 90s are a common sight.Well,For the old,medical support is there,insurance facility is there,awareness is there,but do the old people get equally worthy moral,emotional and psychological support?
The problems of old age is not your problem,it is not my problem,it is not her problem or his problem.It is a social issue.
Our elderly people are lonely,they want company,they want entertainment of their choice on TV ,they become nostalgic and want to talk about the good old days and be listened to.
What are we going to do about this?
Socially responsible, conscientious people and people who are taking care of their parents should sit ot gether and chart out plans to make life better for the aged.
Five or six families,if possible relatives or friends who have elderly people at home should arrange for the elderly to meet atleast once a month and chitchat in a common friend’s or relative’s place.Let them spend a couple of hours together,chitchat and come home refreshed and recharged.
Media people,please make a survey and find out what are programmes most ofthem would like to watch.When there are any number of cartoon channels for the kids, why not have atleast one channel exclusively to cater to the elderly.Let them listen to good music,films that they like to watch,listen to religious discourses.
My MIL,my neighbour lady whose son is in the US ,and the elderly mother whom we met at Mumbai are not only lucky to have caring sons,they must have also set a good example to their sons as good caring children to their parents.
How many of us can boast of bringing up children who will not look upon their old aged parents as burdens on them?
If you are young, remember that you will also become old one day.If you are middle aged,remember,old age is just round the corner.If you are in your sixties,like me,listen carefully dont you hear old age knocking on your door?
We need not panic.Just set a good example to the next generation as to how one should take care of one’s aged parents.Youe chidren are bound to tread your path.
Old age is not something to be savoured,at the same time it should not become a curse to the old also.Our elderly parents surely deserve a better fate than that.
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